IMG_9804Everyone says becoming a mom changes you, that you will feel a love you’ve never felt before etc etc…snore.  I wasn’t one of those people who’s breath was taken away and fell madly in love with my newborn in the instant I saw him.  I mean sure, I loved him, who doesn’t love babies?  But I was waiting for that extraordinary sensation to take over my body and really I was just concerned about what we were ordering for dinner and the fact that I could finally have a glass of wine.  So needless to say…it didn’t hit me, maybe for a few months and then one night after he fell asleep in my arms I didn’t want to put him down – I suddenly had this unbelievable panic of ever losing him and how I couldn’t possibly cope.  I sat in a chair with him hugging him so tight never wanting to let go.  That was the beginning of my unrealistic (?) anxiety that accompanies being so utterly in love.  I began to fear every imaginable horrible situation occurring to my child and trying to figure out how I would protect him.  Watching the news became somewhat unbearable as I put myself in everyone’s shoes and became so upset for them.  Becoming a mom has been so indescribable for me because it has made me so raw – I feel like my heart always hurts because of the overload from the deep love and wild fears that I have all at the same time.  The amazing thing that has happened though is that it has made me want to be the best version of myself more than ever in my life.  This tiny little human drives me to challenge myself every single day.  In doing so,  I have grown so much in the last 19 months and that is what brings me here today.  I have made a lot of changes, I’ve read a lot about self-development and I’ve taken training classes.  In an effort to continue to stretch myself outside my comfort zone so that I continue to grow as a person I decided to take to blogging.  Why?  Because all of this makes me feel like I’m bursting with information that I want to share with everyone – and obviously maybe a lot of people don’t want to hear it which is why I choose not to post personal dissertations on Facebook but rather journal here on a blog for me, and for you, if you find it entertaining and/or find value in the information that I think has helped change me – take it or leave it!

<– But I hope you’ll sign up to “follow me” 🙂

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